Here I sit spouting words of not giving up on weight loss goals and on things that are wanted in life. Yet I didn't take the step today to something that I have been wanting to do since fall 2014. What is that goal? It's an emotional goal of pushing past my self doubt and give a Fort Worth Police Officer my telephone number.
I hadn't seen him since March 2014. Then all of a sudden he shows up at the front door of my work. I tell you it was as if he wasn't gone at all. We dealt with the issue at hand professionally. We smiled and chatted as if I had seen him yesterday.
Then something happened that I never got to do in the past. He actually looked me straight in the eyes tonight. Usually I could never get his attention because an old co-worker was more outgoing then I was. The co-worker is gone. I've taken her place in command of the situations that happen at the shelter at night. Those milk chocolate brown eyes.
It's like he's got those claws into me all over again. I thought I had let the possibility of a date go as four months has passed by. I couldn't step up to the line though. I really don't want to give him my number at work because it's unprofessional. I do want to give him my number.
Then the self doubt sets in.
What if he doesn't like large women.
What if he's afraid the guys will tease him. I mean my co-worker was trying to set him up with someone. Possibly me. From what I hear his partners gave a resounding yes that he was a single man.
What if I'm too wild for him. He seems like a quiet country guy. Well except for the story of him going toe to toe with a drunk man on one of his calls when he was just out of the academy. I like men that are fist and elbows.
What if he doesn't like the cherry red hair?
What if he doesn't want a loud aggressive female? Yet he did burst out laughing when I shared one of my close calls at work. A woman was mentally ill. She threatened to kick me up side the head. I told her to try it.
In truth..I've been hurt so much...I have an adamant fear of rejection. But I can't go another day without knowing either he likes me or he doesn't want anything to do with me.
I hadn't seen him since March 2014. Then all of a sudden he shows up at the front door of my work. I tell you it was as if he wasn't gone at all. We dealt with the issue at hand professionally. We smiled and chatted as if I had seen him yesterday.
Then something happened that I never got to do in the past. He actually looked me straight in the eyes tonight. Usually I could never get his attention because an old co-worker was more outgoing then I was. The co-worker is gone. I've taken her place in command of the situations that happen at the shelter at night. Those milk chocolate brown eyes.
It's like he's got those claws into me all over again. I thought I had let the possibility of a date go as four months has passed by. I couldn't step up to the line though. I really don't want to give him my number at work because it's unprofessional. I do want to give him my number.
Then the self doubt sets in.
What if he doesn't like large women.
What if he's afraid the guys will tease him. I mean my co-worker was trying to set him up with someone. Possibly me. From what I hear his partners gave a resounding yes that he was a single man.
What if I'm too wild for him. He seems like a quiet country guy. Well except for the story of him going toe to toe with a drunk man on one of his calls when he was just out of the academy. I like men that are fist and elbows.
What if he doesn't like the cherry red hair?
What if he doesn't want a loud aggressive female? Yet he did burst out laughing when I shared one of my close calls at work. A woman was mentally ill. She threatened to kick me up side the head. I told her to try it.
In truth..I've been hurt so much...I have an adamant fear of rejection. But I can't go another day without knowing either he likes me or he doesn't want anything to do with me.
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