Good Morning Fort Worth, Texas. I hope that your Monday is not manic. In about five hours I will be returning to the place that I once worked at. A place that helps people get back on their feet. If you work everything correctly there are some great opportunities here. Or someone can get comfortable and stay on the city streets forever. As one of my favorite Police Officer says "The choice is yours."
This is a very humbling experience for me because I'm returning to a place that I said I would never return to. No one plans to be homeless again. I honestly thought I would never have to return to Presbyterian Night Shelter. At least that was my plan. As I worked at the shelter I saw so many people be blessed with free housing only to return to the shelter. This is not any fault of the shelter or staff. In my case, I had no control over why I am returning to the area.
As someone that was an authoritative role. Someone who had to break up fights and enforce rules, I'm expecting a lot of flack. I'm expecting a lot of the clients to make snarky remarks and point fingers. I'm also expecting a lot of questions of why I am there. I hope that they understand that I was just doing my job when I was working there. I hope that they understand that at no time did I think that I was better than them. Truthfully, I would have given my life for them if it had come down to saving theirs. What they don't know is that I prayed to God every night for their lives to be changed.
I guess I will have to deal with what comes my way when I get to that bridge. It is my goal to help these people any way that I can. I'm still working commission as a job placement specialist. Most of the job listings are not for the skills that these Fort Worth residents have. I will do what I can to find myself a job and find them jobs too.
I know that people reading this blog probably think I'm crazy. That I should just focus on myself as someone who is homeless in Fort Worth, Texas. I can't do that though because I'm all about helping others. It brings me great happiness. I'm all about the happy feelings in Fort Worth, Texas.
Dallas/Fort Worth is a big city and a growing city. In a big and growing city like the DFW Metroplex things can be hidden. What is behind close doors stays behind close doors For example, for 15 years I didn't know that I was living with a pedophile. Yes, I knew that he had a criminal background but I didn't know to what extent this DFW resident was hiding.
This was until the ex and I were thinking about opening a business. I decided to do a background check on him I found out that he was charged with Assault on a minor/Lewd conduct under the age of 14. His victims were 5, 7, and 7. He lied to me because he was afraid to lose me. As a human being, I deserve the whole truth. I deserve to be able to make an honest decision before investing 15 years of my life into a relationship. Ethically and morally I have to leave because this is just wrong.
So tomorrow morning I will walk out of a two bedroom home with a huge back yard to start my life over. I have to remember that the house, the yard, and everything else is just stuff. I'm now able to start my life over. I'm able to take a break from relationships and work on the things that I need to work on. I'm able to build healthy relationships. In reality, I don't think I've ever had a healthy relationship.
I'm sad too. I'm walking away from five very adorable cats. Koi, who is the Mama. Gibbs, Abby, D'Nozo, and Ziva. Can you guess what some of my favorite shows are? I've taken pictures of them so that I can remember them. I'm hoping to adopt them out without having to be at the house. I can't take them to the shelter tonight because then my ex will know what is going on and I might put myself in danger.
There is really only one need that I have and that's transportation. I am a Diabetic with no medication. It is important that I get to doctor appointments, interviews, and such. Could you consider donating to my transportation fund? This will allow me to get to medical appointments, job interviews, and to places to fill out applications. I'll also need to go find counseling. Honestly, the news that I received from my ex has really put me for a loop mentally.
I have been on this weight loss journey for a long time. The diet has had it's ups and downs. There are going to be days when you feel fantastic with your weight loss. Then there are going to be days when you feel horrible. The goal is balance the good, bad, and ugly in your life. It is important to remember the great feelings during this time. It is important to learn how come back from the dark times of your life.
There are a few lessons that I have learned during my one year journey. They are:
You can eat whatever you want.
You have the right to eat whatever you want. You have to ask yourself if the item that you are about to eat is going to benefit your health or cause health problems. No a person doesn't have to fuel their body all the time but it does have to be 99 percent of the time. So save that small pizza for a once a month treat. Or if you can control yourself then have a slice with salad once a week if you really want it.
A taste only lasts for once mouthful
That "Wow" factor of chocolate cake or any of your favorite foods is gone in the second bite. The first bite is where we get the taste explosion on our tongues. Then after that we are just adding calories to our body. So it's better to purchase the child size ice cream instead of the super size pint.
Food for memories doesn't work
Treating yourself to an ice cream cone because you had a good week doesn't work. We then begin to associate food with events in our life. We begin to associate food in our diet with emotions that we are going through. This is not healthy. Ask yourself, are you eating that slice of apple pie because of time that was spent with grandma? Why not find another way of celebrating a person, event, or emotion in your life.
Food as a celebration doesn't work
Dinner out is a nice thing to do for yourself. Are you going out with friends for the food? Or are you going to to celebrate and spend time with friends? Ask yourself do you need a poor quality meal to do that. My husband and I use to celebrate with food and going out to dinner. He would get extra tips at work and we would celebrate with Chinese food. All that did was make me gain weight a week later.
Now my friends and I either tuck the money into our savings account for a trip or for some charity event that we want to go to. At the time I'm writing this article, I am remodeling a house. So my celebration money is going towards extras like nice plants for the house or artwork for the walls. I want to create a wonderful home where I can have friends over to celebrate days with movie night and game night.
The important thing is to find something that is not food related and celebrate that way. How about a road trip to the lake and enjoying time with your friends. Make sure that you take lots of pictures so that you can look back on those memories. You could even keep a journal like I do to collect all the great celebrations.
Food is an addiction
Many people do not think that food is an addiction. We have to look at the word addiction. An addiction is the act of surrendering to or giving power over to an person or thing. Addictions can also be a coping mechanism. Just as a person who is dealing with stresses of life can be addicted to drugs a person can be addicted to food. Food turns into chemicals in the body just like nicotine, drugs, and sex does. So it is important to find other ways of dealing with the stresses and emotional trauma of life.
These are the things that I have learned on my weight loss journey while losing 100 lbs. I still have to fix my diet because I am not perfect in any way or form. I still have 254 lbs to lose. It is my hope that I'll inspire you through sharing my diet, diabetic struggle, and weight loss journey.
