Good Morning Fort Worth, Texas. I hope that your Monday is not manic. In about five hours I will be returning to the place that I once worked at. A place that helps people get back on their feet. If you work everything correctly there are some great opportunities here. Or someone can get comfortable and stay on the city streets forever. As one of my favorite Police Officer says "The choice is yours."
This is a very humbling experience for me because I'm returning to a place that I said I would never return to. No one plans to be homeless again. I honestly thought I would never have to return to Presbyterian Night Shelter. At least that was my plan. As I worked at the shelter I saw so many people be blessed with free housing only to return to the shelter. This is not any fault of the shelter or staff. In my case, I had no control over why I am returning to the area.
As someone that was an authoritative role. Someone who had to break up fights and enforce rules, I'm expecting a lot of flack. I'm expecting a lot of the clients to make snarky remarks and point fingers. I'm also expecting a lot of questions of why I am there. I hope that they understand that I was just doing my job when I was working there. I hope that they understand that at no time did I think that I was better than them. Truthfully, I would have given my life for them if it had come down to saving theirs. What they don't know is that I prayed to God every night for their lives to be changed.
I guess I will have to deal with what comes my way when I get to that bridge. It is my goal to help these people any way that I can. I'm still working commission as a job placement specialist. Most of the job listings are not for the skills that these Fort Worth residents have. I will do what I can to find myself a job and find them jobs too.
I know that people reading this blog probably think I'm crazy. That I should just focus on myself as someone who is homeless in Fort Worth, Texas. I can't do that though because I'm all about helping others. It brings me great happiness. I'm all about the happy feelings in Fort Worth, Texas.
Dallas/Fort Worth is a big city and a growing city. In a big and growing city like the DFW Metroplex things can be hidden. What is behind close doors stays behind close doors For example, for 15 years I didn't know that I was living with a pedophile. Yes, I knew that he had a criminal background but I didn't know to what extent this DFW resident was hiding.
This was until the ex and I were thinking about opening a business. I decided to do a background check on him I found out that he was charged with Assault on a minor/Lewd conduct under the age of 14. His victims were 5, 7, and 7. He lied to me because he was afraid to lose me. As a human being, I deserve the whole truth. I deserve to be able to make an honest decision before investing 15 years of my life into a relationship. Ethically and morally I have to leave because this is just wrong.
So tomorrow morning I will walk out of a two bedroom home with a huge back yard to start my life over. I have to remember that the house, the yard, and everything else is just stuff. I'm now able to start my life over. I'm able to take a break from relationships and work on the things that I need to work on. I'm able to build healthy relationships. In reality, I don't think I've ever had a healthy relationship.
I'm sad too. I'm walking away from five very adorable cats. Koi, who is the Mama. Gibbs, Abby, D'Nozo, and Ziva. Can you guess what some of my favorite shows are? I've taken pictures of them so that I can remember them. I'm hoping to adopt them out without having to be at the house. I can't take them to the shelter tonight because then my ex will know what is going on and I might put myself in danger.
There is really only one need that I have and that's transportation. I am a Diabetic with no medication. It is important that I get to doctor appointments, interviews, and such. Could you consider donating to my transportation fund? This will allow me to get to medical appointments, job interviews, and to places to fill out applications. I'll also need to go find counseling. Honestly, the news that I received from my ex has really put me for a loop mentally.
