Watch out Fort Worth, Texas! I have a Brady

Yup! Yup! I finally have a copy of the manual that I've been waiting twenty years to hold. Why did it take so long Fort Worth, Texas? Well watch the video and find out.

I feel like such a liar Fort Worth, Texas.

Here I sit spouting words of not giving up on weight loss goals and on things that are wanted in life. Yet I didn't take the step today to something that I have been wanting to do since fall 2014. What is that goal? It's an emotional goal of pushing past my self doubt and give a Fort Worth Police Officer my telephone number.

I hadn't seen him since March 2014. Then all of a sudden he shows up at the front door of my work. I tell you it was as if he wasn't gone at all. We dealt with the issue at hand professionally. We smiled and chatted as if I had seen him yesterday.

Then something happened that I never got to do in the past. He actually looked me straight in the eyes tonight. Usually I could never get his attention because an old co-worker was more outgoing then I was. The co-worker is gone. I've taken her place in command of the situations that happen at the shelter at night. Those milk chocolate brown eyes.

It's like he's got those claws into me all over again. I thought I had let the possibility of a date go as four months has passed by. I couldn't step up to the line though. I really don't want to give him my number at work because it's unprofessional. I do want to give him my number.

Then the self doubt sets in.

What if he doesn't like large women.

What if he's afraid the guys will tease him. I mean my co-worker was trying to set him up with someone. Possibly me. From what I hear his partners gave a resounding yes that he was a single man.

What if I'm too wild for him. He seems like a quiet country guy. Well except for the story of him going toe to toe with a drunk man on one of his calls when he was just out of the academy. I like men that are fist and elbows.

What if he doesn't like the cherry red hair?

What if he doesn't want a loud aggressive female? Yet he did burst out laughing when I shared one of my close calls at work. A woman was mentally ill. She threatened to kick me up side the head. I told her to try it.

In truth..I've been hurt so much...I have an adamant fear of rejection. But I can't go another day without knowing either he likes me or he doesn't want anything to do with me.
 

A day full of regrets

I know as someone who is trying to also be a teacher of healthy eating habits. I shouldn't really write about having a day of regrets. I would rather be honest about my weight loss adventures. There are going to be days when there seems like there is a cloud over your head.

A person would think that this is a good thing in Fort Worth, Texas. At least I have shade from the heat. I don't have protection from the pain that I feel in my heart though. Today was indeed a tough day of battling those internal wars. It's made worse by coming home to an empty apartment.

There are just some things that I should have done when I was younger that would affect me greatly today. I know that everything happens for a reason be it either good or bad. It just makes me angry sometimes thinking about the tenure I would have as a Medic or Law Enforcement Officer. I would have 23 years experience if I had not talked myself out of it.

The excuses for not being a Medic? I don't like the sight of blood. I'm not thin enough at 220 pounds. I wouldn't be able to give someone CPR. Yet, I see Medics every day who are the size I was back then. I have no problem dealing with blood or injuries. Actually I'm the one who's grabbing the gloves at applying pressure to wounds till EMS gets to the shelter.

The excuses for not being a Law Enforcement Officer. I'm not thin enough. I don't like to run. I can't run as fast as the other little cadets. Now at 43 years old. It's too late.

So my life is filled with being the best Security Supervisor as I can be. I mean I do have a lot to handle. I really like my job. Even on the days when I'm running around on my feet for several hours. I just wish I had done more or want to find ways of doing more.

Remember that your a sexy Fort Worth Texas woman

Sometimes I wonder what the Fort Worth Police Officers and Fort Worth Fire Department think of me when they come to an emergency call at my work. I know some of them are shaking their heads. I've gotten some not so great looks that have well...made me cry.

I don't cry often but I was having a really bad day. The look was just icing an a nasty flavored cake. It was one of those looks that started from your head, went to your toes, and then met at your eyes with a smirk on his face.

I have a friend in my life. How long has our friendship been? Is it really going on two months. Wow it's been a great two months so far. He's not a LEO, Fireman, or part of the EMS in the DFW area. But he sent me this text. I want to hold on to it for when I have those days when I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror.

"You are My Lil Red. You are a girlie girl bad ass Wolf tamer all wrapped up in a &^%$ sexy curvy package."

It's actually funny that he put the term wolf tamer. How did I get the nickname wolf tamer? My friend and I call the local...well let me break it down completely

Motorcycle cops - Copcycles (another story to share)
Fort Worth Police Officers - Panthers on the prowl
Constables - Big Chief
Sherriff - Long Horns
K-9  - Sniffers
Mounted Police - Cowboys
Fire Department - Howling Wolves (Because of the siren)
Medstar - Goldies (as in gold stars)

So how did I become the wolf tamer of Fort Worth, Texas? Well I have a love/hate relationship with some of the men at Station 2 and 14. I always try to be professional but there are some days when I'm not going to back down verbally.

At first I was on my jobs cleaning crew. I got yelled at by an Engineer/Medic for walking in and out of a door. I told him that I was doing my job and he yelled back that he was doing his. Then there was another incident where the man was just making rude comment. I can understand that being woken up at 4 a.m. is not fun. When your in one of my buildings, at least treat me with the respect that I give you.



 

The best inspiration for weight loss....

Someone once said that the best inspiration comes from within. The same can be said about the best inspiration for weight loss and eating a healthy diet. The inspiration has to come from within yourself. Family, Friends, and Lovers are great support when it comes to a persons weight loss goals.

When it come to getting out of bed to go for that walk, it's going to be only you. When its time to push yourself to achieving that 12 minute mile run, its going to be your feet pounding the pavement. So wake up DFW! Wake up Fort Worth, Texas! It's time to inspire yourself to do great things.

I know that this is easier said than done. A friend once told me to focus on the positive. One day I had to stop exercising because I had a small tear in the tendon in my foot. Focus on the positive he says "I see that you had three days where you had great work outs and healthy eating days." Has the light bulb in your brain gone off yet?

An inspiration can be anything!

• Clothes that you look forward to wearing
• A journal of your progress
• Pictures of your progress
• A location that you want to take
• Pictures of family members that you want to spend more time with
• Quotes that are inspiring themselves
• Videos of people who have succeeded
• Books on people who have succeeded in life

Healthy PYUDYO

Pick

Yourself

Up

Dust

Yourself Off

And Start All Over Again!

The Healthy Cha-Cha

Taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster;

it's more like a cha-cha.

You want to know my weight why?

Sometimes things get tough when your loves, friends and family members want to get involved in your weight loss and healthy lifestyle. Sure, it's easy to keep track of your own life and be critical of yourself. It's hell when you open yourself up to other peoples comments and criticism. 

I had a lovely friend ask me to weigh in every Wednesday. Of course I'm sitting here wondering why the hell he wants that kind of information. I mean can't he see my weight loss through the smaller clothes that I'm buying? What would be the purpose of knowing the numbers?

He's also trying to lose weight and get healthy. We both have jobs that need us in the top of our physical fitness. Is he seeing this as a competition? Is he suddenly going to lift me up and walk me across a room when I'm a certain weight? Or is he going to use it as a motivational point in my life?

Maybe I should just stop reading things into his questions and emails.

Bet with a Fort Worth Police Officer

I work in an industry where everyone needs to be healthy and are usually following a healthy diet. We are an industry where we need to be in top shape. This is not only for our own good but for the good of our clients. How are we suppose to help others when we can't even help ourselves.

A friend and I were talking about our health and the fact that we needed to lose weight. He wasn't happy that he was out of energy in the middle of his shift. I was not happy about a lot of things about my weight. We both needed to lose weight for different reasons. One thing that binds us together is the fact that we need to lose weight to do our job better.

I have this ultimate fear that I'm going to have to perform CPR on someone. I'm afraid that my stomach would be to big. Or I would be unable to get on my knees to help. Or I would be unable to get up from a kneeling position.

So today Officer M and I made a bet. Each week we will put two dollars in a pot. At the end of the month, whomever has lost the most weight will win the pot. That's a profit of weight loss at ten dollars. Now here is the exciting part. The person who won the pot that month has the option of putting their winnings back in the pot. Kind of a Black Jack double down deal.

I know that I'm really pushing myself to go against a guy. Guys just tend to lose weight faster. They also tend to gain muscle quicker. So it may come to a point where I don't want to play this game anymore.

It's a fun and healthy game while it's still going on though. I have to admit. This Fort Worth Police Officer is already handsome as a teddy bear. I can't wait to see him when he's a lean mean muscle machine. I'm still praying that I win the healthy bet.

About a new opportunity of living a healthy lifestyle

Every minute is a new opportunity to make new decisions.

 



The fireman followed me where?

I really need to amp up my weight loss and healthy eating. Nothing shows a person how out of shape they are when 4 cute Firemen are following you up the stairs to check how much smoke there is in the building. Of course I wanted to be tough, I wanted to be able to sprint up the stairs. Nope, I waddled up the stairs. I'm so ashamed.

Today really opened my eyes on how out of shape I am. Sure I see pictures of myself with flab hanging all over the place. I know that there is muscle under that flab if I am able to carry my body well. I have always been able to carry my body well and quickly.

I want to be able to do my job well. I want to be able to carry 15 pounds of gear without a problem. I want to stop sweating like a leaf in a rain forest during hot Texas Summer months. I want to be able to save a life if I'm ever put into that position.

A friend has invited me the gym. Normally I work out at home. I think I'll take her up on the offer this time. I know with muscle tone, I'll be able to climb the stairs at work with no problem. As soon as I increase my endurance then I'll be able to run up the stair before the Firemen do.

With healthy living don't focus on...

Don't Focus On How Far You Have Left To Go. Be Proud Of How Far You've Come

Your an amazing woman

A big part of dealing with weight loss and living healthy is the emotional part. When we are not in the right frame of mind, staying on a healthy eating plan can be difficult. I was told today "Your an amazing person." Why is it so hard to believe the person though. Why is it so hard not to think that the man is just being nice or he just wants to get something by having a silver tongue.

Everyone's words are valid. When a person gives a compliment it's difficult to believe them. It's hard for me to believe peoples words because I have been hurt so many times by peoples words. I personally would like to deal with physical let downs than pain caused by words. They say that the pen is mightier than the tongue. I say both can tear a person apart.

I'm slowly trying to just say "Thank You" when HE gives me compliments. It's not something that is going to happen over night. I am trying to learn though.

Down a size in the lady stuff

Proof that my healthy lifestyle in Fort Worth, Texas is working. How can someone not lose weight and clean the impurities out of their body with the heat that we have been having. I'm really glad that I work 3rd shift. I have to deal with as little heat as possible.

Breakfast
Chicken breast
A large artichoke
Salad with 2 Tbsp of mayonnaise shredded carrots, egg, 1oz of cheese, cherry tomatoes

Snack
Serving of grapes

Lunch
Progresso clam chowder (2 servings)

Snack
Cheese stick
Serving of green grapes

Dinner
Cup of coffee with equal and creamer
Large apple
Banana

What is the proof that my weight loss plan is working? Well I have a date tomorrow so I went out and purchased some cute bras and undies. I looked at the measurements on the back of the package. Low and behold, I'm down a size with my underwear. Healthy living has caused me to get a natural breast reduction. I went from a size 52 to a size 44.
 

Weight loss journey fortune cookie says!

Fortune cookie says "Never compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do." I say "Strive to push yourself to become more!" I know that in my life that I tend to compare myself to other people. It's not a healthy habit at all.

As we live our lives it is important to remember that we are all on different levels. Some may be farther along in their health and fitness goals. It's important that we do not compare our success with other peoples success. People need to find the goals that they want to achieve and challenge themselves.

The path to your personal success is knowing exactly what you want. Be brutally honest with yourself when it comes to weight loss goals. Be honest about your other goals in life. Anything worth having is worth the effort. Understand that some goals are going to take longer than others. Understand that there are going to be some missed steps along the way.

To put it to the streets of Fort Worth Texas, stay out of other peoples business and deal with your own weight loss goals.

Attitude and weight loss

Attitude is our best friend and our worst enemy

Fix that face fatty and my weight loss journey

It's been about a year and a couple months of being on my weight loss journey. I have come a long way both physically and mentally. I recently had a man tell me "Fix that face fatty" Honestly, he was mad that I would not go to bed with him. What happened amazed me.

In the past, a comment like that would really upset me. I would be emotionally crushed. I would hate the way that I looked. I would mentally  beat myself up over one persons comment. I would not eat healthy like this:

Breakfast:
Serving of whole wheat cereal
Serving of milk
Medium apple

Lunch
Turkey sandwich with lots of vegetables
Beef and vegetable soup

Dinner
Chicken breast grilled with mustard sauce
Grilled cauliflower
Bake potato with sour cream and chives

As I walk farther and farther down this weight loss path, things like this do not hurt me anymore. I'm at an emotional state at this moment where comments like that will get a whole lot of moxie. Yes, moxie has become my new favorite word. I figure if men and women don't like me at the size that I am now then that is on them. They don't have to
like me when I'm at the size that I want to be. They don't have to  join my
healthy lifestyle journey.

My favorite Fort Worth Panther!

I have a little story of inspiration for you Fort Worth, Texans. It all started when two clients at my work were fighting over a pair of sun glasses. We had put both of them outside to cool down. One wanted to make a Police report, so we called the Fort Worth Police Department.

I had been working the front desk at the time. Of course I was listening to the conversation. I noticed that the Officer had difficulty speaking. As I listened more, I found that yes he definitely had a daily battle with stuttering.

At that moment I wanted to knock myself upside the head for being so foolish with my life. Here is a man that struggle with stuttering every day. I'm sure he was teased as a child. That didn't stop him though. He went through the thirty one weeks of training. Now an active Fort Worth Police Officer.

How can we as people give up so quickly on our goals. How can we put things off for another day. We are not promised tomorrow. We are not promised our next breath. If someone can take on a challenge like that. Why can me not work towards a healthy diet and optimal performance?
 

Nervious about dating again

I was going to wait until I had lost all of my weight. I was going to wait until I was extremely healthy and had a successful eating plan. My friend had introduced me to a website that is for women who are BBW. The website is also for BHM (Big Handsome Men), women who love BBW/BHM, and the men that love BBW/BHM. At first I didn't want to sign up.

I have spent so much of my life trying to make other people happy. I have spent so much of my life making sure that other people were cared for. I have spent so much of my life hiding. I have spent so much of my life ignoring my own needs.

I need someone to go out with. I need someone to spend time with. I need someone to share my life with. If anyone knows my history, then you know that I recently divorced my husband. No one can replace my best friend. I will love Mike until my bones are ashes in the dirt. It's just that I need someone that is on my level. I need someone that wants to be part of their community.

I'm afraid of rejection though. I'm afraid that this man will either think that I'm too small for his liking, too big for his liking, too heavy chested for his liking, or too heavy hipped for his liking. I'm afraid that I'll just be this fetish that someone is only going to enjoy for a moment. I'm afraid that the man is going to be lusting just after one body part instead of wanting to know every part of me.

I know that I'm going to have to kiss a lot of frogs till I meet another man that will seem like my best friend again. I just don't think I'm ready to deal with all the pond slime.

Trying not to beat myself up about my weight loss program

Today has not been a good day in Fort Worth, Texas. I'm doing well with the eating and exercise part of my weight loss program. The whole emotional part of weight loss is different. I know that I should focus on the positive. I know that I should be focusing on the successes that I have had with my weight loss journey. The loss of 127 pounds is a big success.

When things go bad emotionally then mentally attacking your own body is easy. When things go bed relationship wise it's easy to spit out a bucket full of negative comments. When the dating scene just seems like it's dried up. It takes a toll on a persons emotions. I'm fighting against spitting out those negative comments.

Just recently I have stepped back into the dating scene. I had been married for 12 years and we grew apart. He didn't want the same goals as I wanted in life. He will be my best friend till the end of my life or his. We just couldn't see living together anymore if we are not completely happy.

The dating scene has been horrible. They either love my personality but don't like my size. Or they love BBW but I'm a SSBBW. Or I'm not big enough of a women for them to like me. It's hard to find a middle ground or your place in the dating world. Then you find that one guy that loves your personality and he loves your size. He loves the fact that you are losing weight and have awesome career goals. Then you find out that he's married.

This kind of information can make a woman feel inferior. Then the negative comments start flooding in. Or negative comments from other people will replay in a persons mind. It's funny. When other people talk negatively to me, I stick up for myself. When I talk negatively to myself, it seems like nothing can stop the verbal abuse.

Your so ugly that you can only attract men who are already taken
No one wants someone that big
Fix that face Fatso

Usually, it would ruin my whole weight loss program. I would emotionally eat until I was bursting from the seems. Or I would give up on my weight loss journey. Thankfully, I don't do those two things anymore. Now if I could stop verbally beating myself up then the world would be a happy place.